It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
