All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
