I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
