Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
