i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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