No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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