So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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