Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
