i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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