I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
