No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
