Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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