awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
