So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
