some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found the puke drawer
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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