the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
