I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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