drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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