I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
