I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
