Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
