This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
