Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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