He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
