Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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