i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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