New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
