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So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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