My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
