why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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