How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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