Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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