Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
