Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
