Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
where are you?
Hypothermia
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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