You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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