He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
