Got a toothbrush?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
