your room smells of hookers.
And success
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
