no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
