wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
