shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I deserve this hangover.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
