just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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