I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
