maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
