I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it's like iHOP with fire
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize