It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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