did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize