Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize