at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
