Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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