and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
