You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
