you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
last night I used snow as a chaser
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
