Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
