I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
