didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
