What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
