why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
