I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
