it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just pee around me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
