So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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