I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
BRING THE BAGELS
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
