I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
