Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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