the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
