don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i love accidental penises.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
