the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
