Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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