sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
