found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
