Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
