I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
