I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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