You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
