My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
